


Quiet Is Violent

by Daintylouie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Dark Thoughts, Drug Abuse, Harry Has Secrets, How Do I Tag, Internalized Homophobia, Late night talks, M/M, Panic Attacks, Silence, Suicide Attempts, Talk of Rape, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, harry has demons, harry’s brain is a mess, it gets heavy, louis loves harry, louis wants to protect harry, mentions of drug use, migraines, this is barbie’s fault, this is for barbie and the gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 08:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16215674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daintylouie/pseuds/Daintylouie
Summary: Louis isn’t poetic by any means, but there’s something to be said about the way that harry looks completely at peace like this: the moonlight casting perfect shadows in all the right places, eyes blinking languidly, eyelashes curved beautifully, hair falling to his shoulders and framing his face perfectly. His eyes are downcast and his cheeks have dried tear tracks across them, traces of sadness buried deep within him. The truth of the matter is, he’s not free nor is he at peace. He hasn’t been for a very long time.or: harry has demons and louis is in love with harry.





	Quiet Is Violent

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, i’ve had this in my notes for the longest time. I was worried about writing this for two reasons.
> 
> 1) i would mess it up so bad and then choke and die so there’s that  
> 2) i was worried i wouldn’t be able to get across what i wanted to say. i was worried my brain would be too messy for me to even attempt any of this. this book is EXTREMELY personal to me. 
> 
> Lots of things talked about in this are based off of real events that happened to me. i know i’m not a good writer so don’t expect something like any of the iconic books because i PROMISE it won’t be that. this is going to be sad, let’s get that out of the way right now. this will be sad and it could be extremely triggering to some people. so please, please read this with caution.  
> i talk a lot about drugs, suicide, attempts, anxiety and a small part about rape. if any of that would trigger you, don’t read this. you won’t be missing much.
> 
> anyways, call me out on misspellings or if it’s just awful. 
> 
> have a great day, homo’s. x — bri

◟̽◞̽

Here's the thing, no one tells you how hard it is to love someone who is so deeply damaged. They don't tell you how frustrating it is to just...to watch them fall apart and not be able to do anything about it. They don't tell you that it will leave you damaged too.

It takes energy, so much fucking energy. It takes time, long sleepless nights and dreadful mornings. It takes patience, patience to learn and understand this will take a while, this will be hard. There's going to be days that you feel weighted by the sadness of your lover, weighted by the fact that you can't help them. It's a struggle, it's fucking infuriating at times, but it's worth it. 

All of those restless nights, with crumbled up cups with coffee stains scattered over the room become worth it. Every tear, every migraine, every single time your throat became raw from screaming into your pillow late at night, every emotion that felt like a punch to the gut was worth it. Just to see your lover come out on the other side, just to see them finally at peace.

It takes time and it takes effort, that much is true.

They don't tell you how to love someone who is damaged, no. You figure it out on your own and you fight for them.

Because it's worth it, they are worth it.

◟̽◞̽

The day that Louis Tomlinson fell in love with the wonderful boy that is Harry Styles, was quite possibly the worst day of his life. 

It wasn't the worst day because he fell in love, no. It was the worst day because he realized that there was no fucking way he was leaving this boy. (His heart became harry's heart, within two seconds louis became harry's. And, well, that's a scary thought isn't it? To love someone that much?) Well, that and the fact that everything that could go wrong, did in fact go wrong. 

The day was fucked from the beginning, no questions about it. He genuinely thinks god, or whoever you believe in, was laughing at him from the moment he woke up.

◟̽◞̽

The day starts like this:

he's late. So, so late. He's running around his room like a headless chicken, hopping up and down trying to pull on his jeans and jam his foot into his shoe at the same time. His foot gets caught in a rip and he falls onto his bed. 

Something falls off his shelf and makes a cringeworthy noise, but he really can't be bothered to care about it when his phone won't stop going off with disappointment texts from Liam.

Finally after what feels like ten years, he slips on his other shoe and throws on a shirt. He's positive his hair looks like someone rubbed a balloon on it and that his breath, though teeth brushed thoroughly, probably smells like shit. Then again, he really can't bring himself to care at this point. 

It's 7:30 and he was supposed to be at school, like, yesterday. 

He swipes his phone off the bed and slings on his backpack, answering Liam's fifth phone call of the morning.

"I'm coming, jesus fucking christ calm your tits, payne." He huffs out a sigh, taking the stairs two at a time and praying to anything holy he doesn't fall and crack his head open. Considering how the morning is going, he wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

"Why weren't you up already? why haven't you been answering my texts, louis? did you stay up late again? i told you not to-"

Louis hangs up the phone, liam probably won't notice for another minute or however long it takes louis to run outside and hop into his car.

Sure enough, when louis opens the front door Liam is still scolding louis even though he's not on the line. Liam makes eye contact with him and frowns, hanging up the phone and putting the car in reverse.

Louis screeches, though no one would ever be able to prove that other than him, he takes off for the car. He somehow manages to jump into the car, yes while liam is still reversing, and not die.

"What was that? Are you trying to get me killed you fucking psycho!" he shouts, tossing his bag onto the clean floorboard. He will never understand how liam can be so tidy, it's impossible.

"I'm mad at you, don't talk to me. You're lucky i even showed up at all. We're late getting niall because of you, he's not happy." liam is still frowning, someone should tell him to stop that before he gets wrinkles. It's not gonna be louis. 

"oh please, i'll give him some food later and he'll forget about it." He goes to prop his feet up on the dashboard but liam punches his shin.

"asshole." 

If louis get's a lecture about being punctual and not staying up late again, well he can't really be blamed for ignoring him, can he?

Believe it or not, the day only gets worse from there.

He got hot chocolate and spilt it everywhere, which resulted in him burning his hand while trying to stop it. He broke his back pack strap in second period and bombed his exam, Third period brought more pain and annoyance. He burnt his tongue on more hot chocolate and somehow managed to get cupcake icing in his hair.

He fucking hates Monday's.

Things started looking up at the end of the day, he was halfway down the hallway when he got a message from Harry.

Sweets:  
want to get some food before i bring you home?

which, fuck yes. 

To Sweets:  
yes, PLEASE.

He practically sprints down the hallway at that point, slamming open doors and ignoring the onlookers. When he finally makes it to the parking lot, harry's car is the only one left. He's sitting in the driver's seat, head bent and eyes closed. 

Louis is hit with a sudden wave of  love for this boy, his boy. 

He speed walks to the car and practically throws himself into the seat. Harry merely blinks, the little shit. Louis swipes his hair off his forehead and leans  over, pressing a bruising kiss to harry's lips. The younger boy hums into it, sliding soft fingers into his boyfriend's hair.  

When they pull apart louis is left speechless. He doesn't know why, probably won't ever be able to say why. Harry is just so beautiful. He might cry, but he won't. 

He's so struck with the sudden emotion of love and how much he would do for this boy. It hits him like a punch in the gut, leaves him feeling weightless. He loves him so fiercely, so strongly without fully understanding it yet.

He doesn't voice his thoughts, but harry smiles.

He smiles because he knows.

So yes, the day that Louis fell in love with harry was quite possibly the worst day of his life but he wouldn't trade it for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhh i’ve never posted on Ao3 before so i’m soRRy if this is shit. uhhhhhh tell me how bad this was sjsj i’m sorry barbie !!! — bri


End file.
